Over the past few days, I have really been collecting my thoughts and reflecting on this year, and I have to say, what a roller coaster it was. The first week of 2009 started with a ten-day road trip from Brooklyn to Seattle. It was a trip for the record books. Upon my return to the Big Apple, my year took a turn for what I thought was the worst. My just three month shy of a five-year relationship had ended and I felt nothing but completely lost with out any idea on what to do next. I spent the next few months in NY working and trying to figure out what my next move was going to be. I drew a blank. I was unhappy in my neighborhood in Brooklyn and I was beyond exhausted from the 80 plus hours I was working every week. I started to think pretty irrationally about everything and after a few sleepless nights down in New Orleans, I had made the decision to move back to Nashua, New Hampshire.
This decision did not come lightly, but after being down in NY for six years, I felt it was time for a change. I felt like I was giving up and I had failed. Everything I had worked for and put all my effort into crashed down. It was around mid-July when I packed up a budget truck at my Ocean Avenue apartment and made tracks north. I didn’t know what was in store for me from this point forward, but I knew I was not thrilled about moving back in with my parents. I felt at this age, this was a turn in the completely opposite direction. Only seven months into 2009, I ruled it a failure and was ready for a swift conclusion.
People have this notion that success is measured off your job status, what you own, where they think you should be in life, or the amount of greenbacks in your bank account. I have always looked at success as the result of a goal or event you had worked towards and what you learned from that event and how it shaped you as a person, no matter how large or small that goal or event may have been. Looking back at all of the things I experienced in 2009, I started to weigh all of the positives and negatives. I found myself asking this question; Is there success in failure?
I didn’t really look at the positives that came out of this year and spent a good bulk of my time dwelling on what had happened. From love, to my job situation, and my living status, these few things really just burnt a hole in my head. Despite the fact I lost 35 lbs since March, completely overshooting my planned weight loss goal, drove across the country not once, but twice and saw some amazing sights and met some awesome people, skied the Utah back country, fell from 10,000 feet out of an airplane, shot another music video, had a music video on TV in NYC, won at a film festival, and had some of the best nights and parties of my life with one of the best group of friends I have ever had (you know who your are), all of this was eclipsed by the things that I thought where completely unfair to have happened to me. Looking back on all of these events, I found the answer to my question.
Success and failure come hand in hand. There has never been success without failure. You can’t learn and grow as a person without failure and just because things didn’t shape up the way I wanted them to, it didn’t mean I had failed. I was so mad I moved home and so discouraged from things that where beyond my control, I never took the time to look back and realize that I was glad I came back to Nashua to reassess. I would never have gotten my bearings. These events were things I had to go through and experience whether I wanted to or not and I know at the end of it all, I have benefited from it.
So when I look back on the year of 2009, the only ruling I have is that it was a complete success. From falling out of love to falling out of a plane, in both events, I landed on my feet. I experienced a lot more than I thought or bargained for this year and it truly was quite adventure. I am glad before we reach 2009's end, I was able to find the positive in all this and determine that all of these events, good or bad, did nothing but help me grow as a person. 2009 was one of the best years of my life. If we were supposed to hit a homerun every time we stepped up to the plate, the curve ball would have never been thrown in the first place. I guess it’s time to tighten my grip, adjust my stance, and swing for the fences, because even if I strike out now, I’ll have my chance again. I'm glad things have started to turn around in a direction I want them and I plan on keeping it that way in 2010.
Find some mistletoe and party down. Have a safe and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Strive. Live. Achieve.
-JMC
No comments:
Post a Comment